Created: January 27, 2020
Tell me that this isn’t the typical, age-old story. One of your kids hits the other kid, then you tell them to go apologize.
Kid 1: “No! He did such and such to me so he deserved it!”
YOU: “I said apologize!!!”
Kid 1: "But he was wrong first!"
YOU: “If you don’t apologize you’re going to get it!
Kid 1: “Fine! (Now to Kid 2) Soooooorry!”
Kid 2: “Whatever"
Does this ever happen in your house?
We see the behavior we want to change and the attitude that goes along with it, but we’re caught trying to get our kids to DO the right thing even when they don’t WANT to.
As a parent how do you fix that issue?
How do you get them to change not just their actions, but their heart?
Listen: I’m not a parenting expert, but I am a parent... and I’m always making mistakes that I can learn from. Colleagues in the therapy world and intervention space used to call me the resource queen. (actually, my husband, Jim, still does) and today I’ve got a resource that’s going to rock your parenting world because it gives you a strategy for working on your child’s HEART instead of just their BEHAVIOR. It’s the difference between putting a band-aid on something, versus getting to the root of the issue. You may know the saying, out of the mouth is the overflow of the heart.
So I’m curious - as a parent what is the one area of behavior you wish you could change in your kids?
Let me know in the comments below or reach out. In the Miller home, I would have to say it’s the fighting. Our kids seem to always be digging on each other. We’ve started not even allowing our oldest to be upstairs alone with his younger brothers because we know something’s going to get out of hand. It isn’t usually that they’re punching each other, usually, it’s just them being mean, or aggravating each other. But, sometimes... they’re punching each other. 🤦🏻♀️
I know living in small spaces with even one child is hard, let alone multiple kids. Even if your kids are away from you during the day, it's a challenge. If a tattler comes to you one more time, you just might pull your hair out, right?! Either that or go on top of the roof to "fly a kite" - that's one my grandmother used to say while raising six children.
We’ve tried all the usual suspects. We’ve put them in timeout, spanked them, made them write notes of apology, run a half-marathon, copy down verses, perform community service, stand on their heads, pay us money, run a full-marathon, donate to a charity of our choice, dig a ditch, do hard time, memorize verses about character, build a website dedicated to abusive siblings, change the oil in our car, and the list goes on and on and on. 🤣 But through all of this, we may see a slight change in behavior. AND now we’re just getting our kids to do things they don’t want to do.
Growing up, I remember watching parents lose it with their kids in the grocery store or a restaurant. I always knew I would never be THAT parent. 😉 Why? So many reasons. First, I will LOVE my children and consider them a GIFT. Also, I’m PATIENT with my kids. I realize that they’re kids! I don’t expect them to be perfect like all these other parents do.
Fast forward a few years and I’m singing a different tune. I don’t care about perfection, I just want them to have their pants on the bottom and shirt on top, but apparently that’s not always doable. Also, I don’t even care if they’re nice to each other, so long as they’re mean to each other QUIETLY. But no, they have to start yelling, then someone starts squealing at the top of their lungs, so I’ve got to decide whether to intervene NOW or go deaf while I wait for someone to start bleeding.
So let's talk about this tool -Wise Words for Moms!
Now - At first glance, it seems like not much - it's a 3-page booklet - how powerful can it be? It's what's inside that counts! There is a chart that is designed for you to ask your kids heart probing questions, give them tools for what they need to "put off" in life and encouragement for what they can begin to"put on" instead. AND it uses Bible verses to do it.
Let's flesh this out a bit. I'll give you a few examples so it becomes clearer to you:
Teasing/Tearing Others Down
Heart Probing Questions -
Do those words show love and edify your brother or do they tear him down?
What can you say to edify (build up) your brother?
Unwholesome Talk. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth". Eph 4:29a
Edifying Words. "The words of your mouth should be helpful in building others up according to their needs." Eph 4:29
Heart Probing Questions -
Are you forgetting who made everything?
Who is all-powerful? What can God do about this situation?
Anxiety. "It is not God Will for you to worry. Matthew 6:31
Trust. "If you pray and trust God to take this anxiety away from you He will do it because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Many of us as parents have talked to our kids about what they need to "put off" - stop lying, stop whining, etc. - and maybe you've even used some Bible verses to tell them - or - YELL at them. Have any of you been there? How did it make you feel? Them feel?
Yeah, the process feels yucky, doesn't it? What about calmly and lovingly probing their heart at that moment and yes, helping them see what they need to "put off", but then encouraging them in what they can "put ON" instead?
This amazing tool will help you:
Begin to use to begin to ask heart probing questions and not just "fix" behaviors in your home
Help our kids see God's wisdom in what they can begin to "put off" in their life.
Encourage them from God's Word to "put on" perseverance, contentment, love, forgiveness, humility, wisdom, trust, and so much more
There is an iOS app that you can download directly to your phone, but currently there is no Android version. Android users you are welcome to reach out to me once you purchase your own printed copy of the book and I will email you my Google sheet quick reference for your phone!
How will YOU be prepared the next time a little person in your home doesn't behave the "right" way? Don't wait for the moment to come to try and think of something to say. Let's be WISE moms and think of questions you want to ask and a truth you want to instill in their heart.
📽️Watch the full video here:
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